Jim Krumel: A column never published in the newspaper.

After all of these years of opening and closing that desk drawer, there it was.

A column I wrote 20 years ago, three days after 9/11.

A column never published in the newspaper.

I had every intention to print it, but when I was done writing, I thought it was too personal. Thus, instead of that column ending up on your doorstep as part of your newspaper, it was banished to the junk drawer.

Since then, I’ve had so many people tell me their 9/11 experiences and thoughts.

Thus, I share that column with you today.

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Friday, Sept. 14, 2001

It’s a little after 1:30 in the morning right now on Friday.

I have a column to file for Monday’s paper, and I usually set aside Thursday evenings for writing, although rarely this late.

I don’t want to turn off the TV right now. I don’t want to turn off the stereo. I don’t want it to be quiet in my home. I don’t want to be left alone in silence to think about the senseless act of war that has killed thousands of innocent people.

In a goofy sort of way, working in a newsroom can shield you from the pain. At least temporarily. You become engulfed in covering the story, in giving your readers information, in telling the community how their loved ones have been affected.

You have deadlines to meet. Stories to pursue and edit. Thousands of pictures to examine.

But it always hits home. At some point, it rocks you. Just liked it rocked everyone else in the country.

Odd things that I can’t explain are popping into my head right now.

During the flurry of activity Tuesday, I remember being stopped by Paul Smith, our sports editor. He told me he just came from the community prayer service at South Side Christian Church. “It was powerful,” Paul said. What he didn’t say was that he felt the need to get away for a while. I admire him for that.

And Mike Lackey. Mike was unusually quiet. I can’t forget the troubled look on Mike’s face. He wore it all day.

And throughout it all, I wondered: When was I going to feel the pain? When? But there were deadlines to meet, stories to pursue and edit, photographs to select.

People wanted information. And it was our job to make sure they received it.

I was stunned when I began learning about the number of local people who were in New York City or Washington, D.C., during the terrorist attacks. I can’t forget their stories.

Nathan Walsh, a Bath High School graduate, told of running 61 floors down an emergency stairwell at the World Trade Center’s south tower. He felt the building lurch when it was hit by a jet. He saw a crack shoot down the brick wall of the stairwell as he reached the 30 floor.

Chad Smith, a Lima Central Catholic graduate, told how he watched in horror as the towers burned. An architect in New York City, he knew the steel supporting systems in the building would eventually melt and cause the towers to collapse, killing thousands.

Jennifer Axe, a Lima Central Catholic graduate, told about leaving the area with a friend, and finding a note on the ground. It read: “We are on the 84th floor. Help us.”

There were so many of those stories from Lima area residents, and I’m sure we’ll hear more.

We published a special edition Tuesday, the first time the newspaper has done that since 1962. The demand was so great we printed 60,000 copies.

We were proud of that. But then a few people contacted me, accusing the newspaper of trying to profit from the tragedy by publishing an extra edition. Those calls, although few in number, stung deeply. They were so wrong. The section carried no advertising, and given the heavy amount of overtime, newsprint and materials used to publish such an edition, a news-paper is lucky to break even. We published the section because it was the right thing to do for the community. We even gave away 23,000 of the special editions to area schools at no cost.

But we couldn’t afford to let that bother us. There were deadlines to meet, stories to read and pursue, photographs to examine.

I’ve spent part of the last couple of days looking at newspapers from across the state, trying to see if there is something they are publishing that we also should be doing for our community. Out of all those papers, one story keeps sticking in my mind. It was on the front page of The (Columbus) Dispatch. Its headline read: “Why do people hate America enough to kill?”

Yes, why?

These terrorists, whoever they are, came over and deliberately started annihilating Americans. And now, we’re going to kill them.

It sounds so barbaric. So much like the senselessness you read about in history books. But it’s happening today, in a city that’s a day’s drive from Lima.

Yet like so many of you, I find myself wanting revenge. And that makes me angry, because now I hate. I’ve worked at newspapers during the Challenger explosion. Operation Desert Storm. Oklahoma City. And also when a dear friend of mine in the newsroom found out her young son, the pride of her life, drowned.

To this day, you can’t make sense out of any of these tragedies.

It’s well after 3 a.m.

I’m going to bed.

In a few hours, my wife and children will be getting up to go to school. And I’ll be up too. I think I’ll give them all a hug before I see them off to begin their day. And then I’m going to church.

I need that.