Stacey Solomon Has 'Gut-Wrenching' Mum Guilt And I Know Exactly Where She’s Coming From
Stacey Solomon has admitted she gets “gut-wrenching mum guilt” – and I can totally relate. As a mum of two, I feel guilty about everything, all the time.
The Loose Women panelist, who gave birth to her third son, Rex, last month, has shared several honest posts on Instagram about her struggles with parenting – from difficulties breastfeeding, to posting a candid “raw and real” post-birth shot.
And in her latest post, she described the guilt she’s feeling eight weeks post-partum – and the guilt she’s feeling for feeling that guilt.
Parents. We really do beat ourselves up, don’t we?
[Read More: Laura Kenny Asks ‘Does Mum Guilt Ever End?’ Gets An Overwhelming Response From Parents]
“I feel like I shouldn’t really have these feelings because I’m nearly eight weeks in,” she wrote. “I am so incredibly lucky to have amazing children, a wonderful partner, a caring and supportive family and I’m almost a bit embarrassed to say... that truth be told, I’m having a bit of a gut-wrenching day.
“One of those days that physically hurts your tummy. Mum guilt has kicked in full swing.”
Solomon, 29, said “nothing in particular” triggers her feelings of guilt, but “it’s just there”. Preach.
[Read More: Stacey Solomon Gets Real About Breastfeeding Struggles: ‘We Might Never Master It’]
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I feel like I shouldn’t really have these feelings because I’m nearly 8 weeks in and I am so incredibly lucky to have amazing children, a wonderful partner, loves loving, caring, & supportive family and I’m almost a bit embarrassed to say... That truth be told, I’m Having a bit of a gut wrenching day. One of those days that physically hurts your tummy. I have absolutely no idea why. Mum guilt has kicked in full swing. Nothing in particular triggers the feeling. It’s just there. Tried to keep busy and organise the hell out of the house which has helped for short moments (but also felt guilty about it). So making a conscious effort to try to accept it and let the feelings come and go. I found this picture from a few days ago when I caught a rare snap of us both smiling at the same time (and when I’d miraculously found the energy to have fun with my make up drawer). I’ve been looking at it all day to remind myself that these feelings WILL pass and every day will be different. 💜 Thinking of anyone else having a struggle today or any day for that matter. 💜
A post shared by Stacey Solomon (@staceysolomon) on Jul 17, 2019 at 11:03am PDT
Every night when I go to bed, I’m swamped with remorse for all those moments in the day I was snappy, grumpy, or simply didn’t listen to the fifteenth shout of, “Mummy!”
I berate myself for hiding out in the kitchen to get a bit of peace, and for sticking my children – aged two and seven – in front of CBeebies so I don’t have to listen to them squabbling over a toy.
And they’re good kids, my two, they really are. They’re great kids. But that doesn’t take away my feelings of guilt – that subtle but pervasive feeling of never quite being good enough is a burden I carry around with me every day.
I wondered whether this feeling might be, in part, due to my gender – because women are so often expected to be ‘all the things’: the hard-working mum, as well as the stay-at-home mother who is on top of everything.
[Read more: If We Stopped Sugarcoating The Truth About Parenting, Maybe We’d All Feel Less Alone]
But when I speak to a friend who’s a stay-at-home dad, he says he feels gut-wrenching guilt too. On a daily basis. “I feel guilt all over the place,” he said. “Not kind enough, not patient enough, not fun enough.”
And so, my parent friends and I find ourselves doing ourselves down for being “shit parents”, when in reality we’re nothing of the sort.
Yes, some of us might forget to fill in forms, get our kids to school at 8.50am by the skin of our teeth, and get the “parent call of shame” – like I did this week, because I didn’t realise after-school clubs had finished and my daughter was still waiting to be picked up. But the real reason we feel bad about it? Guilt. Misplaced guilt, at that. Brought on by the pressure to be “perfect”.
But, as Solomon preaches regularly with her social media, nobody is perfect. And as I keep telling myself at the end of another difficult day: there’s always tomorrow.
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